Quiet the Ego (Check In before Checking Out)


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WHAT  Quiet the Ego
WHY      It is essential that we check in before responding to ensure that we are coaching to the leader’s needs rather than our own.
HOW     Check In before Checking Out

 

Listen and Remain Unattached to Outcome

  • Ensure you are focused on the individual’s development, not your need to be right.

 

Be Curious

  • Shift judgmental thoughts to nonjudgmental questions.


Example of shifting judgment to nonjudgmental questions internally:

  • Judgmental internal commentary: She is not seeing the bigger picture. She’s stubborn. I don’t know why she can’t see the answer.

  • Shift to being curious: Silently notice and name your feelings. Smile in recognition of the feeling. Remind yourself to Be Curious. See her as an ally. Breathe. Shift in your chair.


Example of shifting judgment to statements:

  • “I admit to being attached to an outcome. I’m wondering if you could help me understand the end in mind you have for the challenge we are                    wrestling with.” (To remind us that she is an ally, not an obstacle, use we, not you.)

  •  “I’m wondering if you’ve gathered others’ perspectives that will help us.”

  •  “I need a minute to reset.”

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Potential Traps

  • Allowing your ego to drive your responses

  • Needing to be right

  • Being impatient

  • Forgetting she is an ally, not an obstacle