States of Being
Center for Coaching & Leading
Founding Director, Linda Belans, Ed.D.
“We must learn to distinguish between what is merely important and what is wildly important. A wildly important goal carries serious consequences. Failure to achieve these goals renders all other achievements relatively inconsequential.” --Steven Covey
She asked him what he’s interested in. “Science,” he offered. Quinton and Celia found one he like in the school library. He took it home. She also checked in with his aunt and grandmother to offer support services.
The next day, she asked him how his night was. He excitedly reported that he loves his new book and, after reading it, fell into a deep sleep. Quinton let go of his nightmare in this moment because Celia spoke to his higher self. This was something he could not have done without her understanding the difference between the merely and the wildly important. She coached his teacher who began learning a new approach: First, begin with self. See the higher self. Honor story. Be curious. Be compassionate. Appreciate that everyone has a piece of the truth. Be present. Imbue others with their own intelligence.
Her next step was to have her team wrestle with the 7 Essential Equity Questions.
Conclusion
These two stories offer stark contrasts in what happens when we sacrifice the wildly important for the merely important. They demonstrate what happens when we perpetuate or address systems that privilege policies, rules, test scores, outcomes, and our own unexamined racism over students' and famiiies' wildly important realities.
Focusing on the merely important teaches students compliance, and reinforces fear and trauma. That they are less than, not good enough, unless they complete the math assignment regardless of what’s going on in their lives. It teaches them that we actually don’t recognize grit when it's in front of us.
Perhaps worst of all, we teach students and families to ignore their own wildly important lives.
When we have the courage to listen to stories, to embrace them, and make accommodations for them, we create the conditions for children and adults thrive. They learn. We learn. When we have the courage to confront our own racism, we begin to address how we perpetuate it through our responses, language, and policies.
There are serious consequences when we get it wrong.
Story 1: The Merely Important
There is an often-told story, or a similar one in professional development (PD) sessions I have attended, offered by the facilitator as a shining pre-amble to learning how to set expectations, and to teach grit and perseverance. It features a middle school student who is praised by her teacher for getting her homework done on time under car headlamp lights.
Being curious, we learn that her family couldn’t afford to pay the electric bill, so she sat outside, in the dark of night, on hard cold concrete, to get her homework done.
The white facilitator uses this story as a teachable moment for the PD participants to demonstrate the concepts whatever it takes, no matter what because there are no shortcuts. It should, however, serve as a teachable moment for the facilitator.
This child already has demonstrated grit and perseverance as a consequence of adapting to white supremacy's structured racist policies and neglect. What she needs is to be listened to and help with her family’s situation. If there is no electricity, there is no food, or a way to wash the uniform she is expected wear. There is anguish in the home and all its accompanying complexities. Perhaps the teacher in this scenario did tend to those things, but the facilitator doesn’t communicate it. He is focused entirely on teaching the student grit and perseverance.
But let’s say the student was driven to do this sheroic act for more complex reasons than meet the eye. Perhaps she simply is, by nature, a high achiever. Or craves praise. Or felt safer outside in the dark of night than in her own house under these circumstances. Or feared the teacher's response the next day if she hadn't done her homework because There are no shortcuts.
What if the facilitator had focused instead on the wildly important: f the electricity was back on yet? How her family was doing. If she needed blankets. Felt safe?
What if he anchored the session on the grit and perseverance she already has by helping her identify some of the strengths she called on to get her homework done under extreme conditions so that she could see the fullness of herself? Her highest self?
And what if the facilitator had expanded his view of what schools are for beyond academic achievement fueled by No Excuses andWhatever it Takes? Or had acknowledged this perpetuates white supremacy practices, and offered anti-racist actions they could take to address and rectify it?
Story 2: The Wildly Important
Celia, a seasoned white Assistant Principal I was coaching had an epiphany during a professional development workshop: “I identified and made myself aware of my biggest dream: To make our school a place where we heal before we teach and truly engage children in critical thinking, and have excitement about learning.”
During our follow-up coaching session, she told me that she heard a teacher yelling at a third-grader. Practicing curiosity, I asked her why a teacher might yell at a third-grader. She thoughtfully reflected and said: “They are frustrated with themselves for not being prepared enough. And when students don’t change their behavior.”
The next day, Celia approached the student. “What’s going on Quinton?” He told her that he can’t sleep at night and has gruesome, graphic dreams. He was deeply worried. Since his father left and his mother was temporarily absent, he’s afraid his aunt and grandmother, with whom he lives, will also go away. He’s on high vigilance all night and falls asleep during class. This eight-year-old unburdened himself and shifted into engagement with Celia who is dedicated to straightening the crooked room of education.
